I hate the bad days!

Hello once again peeps!

Apologies for the lack of vids/blog over Easter, unfortunately I had one of the 'bad' days! Thats right the days we all hate, when one minute your fine and dandy, the next depression, bad thoughts, feelings of worthlessness come up from behind and almost destroyed your entire good vibe day!
I was actually going to do a video during my 'bad' episode so I could show you what it was like however as luck would have it my phone (which is what i record the videos on) went completely dead and I had left my charger in my nans house! And believe me this did not help with the day! Not only was I down, but I was also very angry or to be more exact...p*ssed off!!

It was my sisters birthday and the plan was to go and celebrate it with her, nothing fancy mind you, just a gathering with close family and enjoying each others company. But with the mood I was in...that didn't
seem possible. Believe me my mood was well winning me over, i was swearing, throwing things and generally being a bit of a horrible tw*t! But what have we done recently...thats right we have declared war on depression and with this in mind i was certainly not going to sit in all day and mope about how much i hate everything! And so I got up and began to get ready to go and meet the family.

of course on a bad day, my depression decides to bring his friends of anxiety and irritability with him. So i started getting ready...then i realized i needed to change because i looked like an idiot. Dont get me wrong, i probably didnt look stupid, but in my mind....I DID! Thus I got changed...got changed again...and again ..and again and basically before I knew it I had got changed about 15 times! 15 times for a bloke to get ready just top go and sit in his family house...bit odd aint it. But thats what my mind does and Im sure many of you out there have the same types of days! No matter how good you think you look, your mind destroys the vision with, "You look like a fat belter". "Why do you even bother" Literally that's what mine does. Now I know Im not fat, i am a tad over weight but that's is because of my new medication which makes you want to eat like a horse and keeps a lot of water retention in the body. Anyhow feeling like crap and thinking you look like crap....really doesnt help with the combined feelings of worthlessness and no hope! But guess what, when I finally through what i felt comfortable in I just went out....thats it, left the house with the wife so i couldn't go back in and get changed. Not the easiest believe me but I did it!! Thats right I had won one back against depression!!

So the day started off bad but I was beginning to turn it around. By the time we had got to meet the rest of the family I still felt very anxious but i knew it was fading. I know I was quite quiet during the meal however by the end of the evening i was back and kicking bottom again!!

So whats the point in all this? Basically i could have stayed in and regretted it or even worse done something silly like smash my phone! (Which believe me is what I wanted to do because the poxy thing decided to die when I needed it!) But I didnt. I went out and my mood eventually improved! Now I could have gone there (to the family home) and brought everyone down with me (mood wise) however I was not going to take the light off my sisters birthday and so Mr Happy Face came out to play. Basically just keep thinking good things and before you know it, it becomes second nature!! I wish it was that easy, because dont worry i know it isnt, but that day...I won!!!!

My other option could have been to arrive at the family home and tell everyone how down and angry i felt....but do you think that would have helped the situation? Do
nt get me wrong, COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY! But i had already told my dear wife so there was no need to spread it around to everyone else, especially on such a glorious day! Me personally would actually feel  worse if I bought everyone else down to my low mood!! But i dint I I actually enjoyed the day! (From the afternoon onwards!!)

So the point of this is basically, I won one round. And it wasnt easy...but I still won. And thats what you can do. If you are not wanting to go out...GO OUT! It ll ease some of the pain..maybe only for a few minutes of the entire night, but at least you wnet out and didnt sit in the dark room that depression craves so much. Now i said that I spoke to my wife about how I felt before going out, if you havent got someone to talk to, phone the Samaritans, or CALM helpline just someone before you head out basically so you can get the main load off your chest and then you are not turning up at birthday parties with doom and gloom on your back!! Does that make sense? I hope I do! Basically stay active, stay strong, go to that invitation and stay communicating!!!

Enjoy the daily vid!!

Take Care!

Alex

Ps I havent forgot about the links as mentioned in the bad thinking habits part a couple of days ago, ill hopefully get them for you on friday! (5th April)